December 2004 Archives

There is a giant zit in the middle of my forehead that won't go away. Smack dab
in the center of my forehead, one red blotch. It's a good thing all my New
Year's Eve plans went defunct, or I'd probably have to be warning people right
now that I am growing a third eye; please tell your children not to stare. There
were quite a few New Year's Eve options, but as I explained to Ashly last night,
this is the one night each year that married people go out and get smashed and
why on earth would we want to party with them? I usually try not to be bitter
about the married thing (don't take it personally, married readers--I'm sure you
are delightful company and we really should hang out sometime), but it's New
Year's Eve and I'm alone and so why not be bitter just for one night? It will
ease your mind to know that while I am reveling in a momentary "not married"
bitterness, that I am not bitter about being alone; I'm rather liking the alone
factor at the moment. I've kicked some serious designing booty in the past
couple of days thanks to lack of distraction. I just wish I had a big white
dress in a box in a closet that I had worn on some day prior to this, and a
lovely ring that called me someone else's. Sigh. Most people got into the
invitation business because they "couldn't find the perfect invite" and I'm in
it because I can't find the perfect man. How's that for irony? I've been reading
year-end reviews on everyone else's blogs. It seems alot of people got married
and quit their jobs. While obviously I did neither of those, I do feel I made
some serious headway in the learnage department.
Having no previous web experience, I learned enough HTML to make this webpage
pink. This means I now have a platform to learn more web stuff from, and while
I'll move at a pace too slow to get any of my other webpages done, it's still
good to know something new.
I met some awesome new bloggers, people I am happy to call friends. Believe it
or not people, I still have Christmas presents for those of you who sent me a
holiday card. I promise you'll get them, I just hope it's not in March.
The company turned a profit! Though I'm dreading the tax thing, come April, I
guess I have to look at it like it's a blessing that we've made money only three
years into it.
I moved into my house! Wood floors refinished, kitchen well on it's way to
completion, CARPET! I remember what it looked like last January: sawdust
everywhere, spackling everywhere, no lights, and having that
never-gonna-get-there feeling and it makes me very excited to think about how
much further it will progress this year.
Sophie Dog came into my life on a crazy day, but she is the biggest blessing in
my life this year.
Second Biggest Blessing: Amanda. And if she threatened to quit, I'd promote her
to First Biggest Blessing and demote Sophie. I'm sure there will be a few more
things that come to mind tonight; I might add them tomorrow. For now, it's back
to the drawing board. Ash loaned me Love Actually, and my zit and I plan on
curling up and watching it later tonight while eating left over pizza. Over and
out.

I got a fax from my Dallas showroom a week ago stating that samples had to be in
Dallas by December 31, or else. There was still a week till Christmas at the
time, and I had to get all my last minute gifts together, so I shoved the
deadline to the back of my mind. As Christmas came and went, with all it's
turmoil the world over, I dawdled each day at pulling out the boards and
starting to mount samples. Finally, yesterday afternoon, after a leisurely lunch
of canneloni and caesar salad, I got to work. Caffinated, I worked until 5 this
morning. After a few hours sleep, I got up and started working again. Now it's
almost 5 here, and I'm still in my pajamas. The good news is, I called the
showroom, and they're closed tomorrow, so I have all weekend to finish the
boards, or two more days to procrastinate some more, whichever way you want to
look at it. Don't tell me (I already know), that if I started on the boards a
few months earlier instead of watching so much CSI, they'd be done by now.

I went to bed last night and the death toll from the tsunamis in Asia was
58,000. I woke up this morning and it's 67,000. I think God wants us to remember
he's in charge. Updates: 77,000 12:01 pm

It's been an emotionally draining Christmas. My Gran has been in failing health
for some time, but she had a particularly nasty day on Christmas Eve, and still
tried to tough through the day for us. You could see the pain on her face. My
cousin stormed out because he didn't "feel included", his little sister had her
first asthma attack and had to be rushed to the emergency room, and their mother
was dissolved in tears. Gran started opening the dining room cabinets and
breaking up her china collections and having us pick what we wanted. By the end
of the night my sister and I were both leaning on her wheel chair, crying, which
is not what a dying grandmother wants to see, I'm sure. Christmas at my parents
the next day was a little less of an ordeal, but an ordeal none the less. There
were more tears because some of our family is in Thailand, more tears because we
sat and read little kids books out loud and for some reason, those make you cry
too. And then more tears because I selfishly snapped at one of my favorite aunts
for reasons which she would not understand. And we finally settled down watched
movies and ate Large Jello, my contribution to the Christmas Dinner, and then
laughed about how crazy we were. And I made a hard decision yesterday, one I'm
still not certain was the right decision to make, one of those decisions you
don't know if you'll ever be able to forgive yourself for and one you certainly
don't want to regret. Everyone still has not left; I think they depart sometime
today. I came home yesterday and tried to throw myself into my work, but nothing
clicked so I went to the Flight of the Phoneix with my family and then came home
and watched Princess Diaries 2. And cried a little bit more. I think it's safe
to say the worst is over and from here on out it's, "Chin up girl". Life goes
on.

The other day I had lunch with a good friend of mine, Marsha, who I don't get to
see very often. Over bowls of chicken cilantro lime soup and halves of spicy
chicken salad sandwiches, we talked about life. My little house, my crazy
business; her kids, who are my age, and her travels. She spends months out of
the year in New York and Paris. Each year they travel many places they've never
been to before; this year Spain is going to be the big one. Anyone who knows me
well knows that I'm not a big traveler. I don't like big cities and throngs of
people and crowds. I don't see any necessary reason to step foot in a store,
considering that online shopping is now so varied. To quote Meg Ryan in "French
Kiss", I prefer to travel in the way nature intended--in a car. With four wheels
on the ground. Seriously, before I step foot on a plane again I'm getting an
anxiety prescription from my doctor. Unfortunately, it seems that traveling is
fast becoming an essential and necessary part of my chosen career path. In
January alone I will be going to two major cities, possibly five. On a plane.
Ugh. Somehow, sitting with Marsha at lunch the other day, listening to her talk
about the hotels, the restaurants, the open air market in Paris, Sotheby's in
New York, I started to think that I could enjoy this traveling thing. To be able
to see these worlds through her eyes--a non-crowd, non-shopper as well--seemed
to bring me comfort. We talked about going to New York for a weekend sometime
soon, just to get me acquainted with the city so I can be more relaxed when I
have to go in May for work. And her daughter is spending the semester in Paris,
and I might just fly over there and spend some time exploring the city by
myself. They've always said Paris in the springtime, no?

I need a t-shirt that reads that. Last minute Christmas necessities keep popping
into my head; people I need to gift, gifts I need to wrap, foods that I'm
supposed to "bring" to Christmas. If anyone knows of a good (easy) Christmas
side dish, please help. It cannot be stuffing, potatoes or green beans, and
cannot have white stuff in it (mayonaise or sour cream), since that stuff makes
me ill. I'm supposed to start my own tradition this year by bringing a signature
dish. So, it would probably be cool if it was pink, too. OK, I'm off to make
luggage tags and wrap gifts and try to remember everything I've forgotten.

I stayed up til 3:00 am last night, doing thumbnail sketches of all the designs
I want to intro for January. I'm finding myself at a doodling roadblock,
however. I know the layouts, but I'm not sure how to get there. If I sketch in
pencil, outline in pen, wash in watercolor it's harder to control the color on
the press and normally I have to go back to Photoshop after I get a 4-color
proof. I also get very tired of scanning stuff, and despite all the color
correcting in the world, ending up with two different pinks on two different
invitations that are supposed to be in the same collection. I haven't discovered
a safe way to consistency yet. I guess that's what I'm looking for--consistency.
I'm tired of experimenting, I'm craving a "method". I want a step by step
process for developing this every year, instead of feeling like I do now, like
I'm facing the most daunting task in the world. Then again, maybe getting it
done just has everything to do with "Just do it" instead of me sitting here
whining about what I don't know. Argh. Frustration.

Just got home from my annual Christmas-sit for one of the first families I ever
started nannying for. She handed me a gift on my way out the door. Being the
eager little booger I am, I opened it the second I got home. Authentic red
leather kate spade purse, straight from Neiman's. 'Nuff said.

I just got my Martha Stewart Weddings in the mail, opened it where I stood, and
didn't put it down until I had flipped through ever page and torn out a few I
loved. In fact, from the moment I opened it until I had finished, (didn't go sit
down, I remind you; stood and read it right there) Amanda had time to run to the
UPS store and come back. If there is one thing about Weddings, it is that it
seems that the older I get, the more detailed, the more exquisite that magazine
seems to get. The lace is more detailed, the ribbon is more double-sided-satiny,
the flowers are more original, the cakes are more elegant, the paired-down
simplicity is more graceful, the ballgowns are fuller. And heaven only knows, if
there is one thing I love more than pink, it's ballgowns. I'm not anywhere ready
to be married in my life. Maybe part of the reason is that the weddings just
keep getting more beautiful.

Today has been a me-day. Drew and I skipped church, and went to some friends'
house for brunch: mimosas and yummy waffles with strawberries and brandy butter.
This afternoon I've been snoozing with the back door open; Sophie has been
running in and out, dragging inumerable quantity of random socks and trying to
bury them under a fir tree. Runaway Jury was just on Cinemax; it ended up being
a very good flick, the kind you want to watch twice. In a few minutes, I'm going
to my parents house to eat breakfast-for-dinner with my sister and her husband
and kids. I dropped off the last of the custom project for the year yesterday,
which means I've landed on the one week each year I can actually relax, full
time, and focus my creative energies on things I want to do instead of things I
have to do. I've still got to tackle those stockings; I'm going to do some
luggage tags for some kiddos I know, which will mean coming up with princess and
pirate illustrations, and if those work out, I might turn them into some
notecard sets as well. I can't believe Christmas is right around the corner. As
soon as it's over, I'll do one more push of product for January, cross my
fingers, hold my breath, and hope everything goes ok next year. For now, I'm
just enjoying the beautiful weather and pressure-less freedom of having
everything on my to-do list done.

I've had an incredible, but exhausting week. Knock on wood, but I feel that I
have been so blessed lately. Money is coming in, reorders have been good, and I
feel like I know how to proceed into the new year with the business. The kitchen
countertops are finished and today I had my bedroom and study carpeted. My
sister and I have struck an agreement to have her come and clean every other
week, and she started this morning. I got Dreamweaver and the new Adobe Creative
Suite and installed them last night and can't wait to try out the Suite; should
help with product design. And the piece de resistance--as if it could get any
better--the new printer, a Xerox, which is still in it's auditioning stage, but
is convincing me more every minute that she's a beauty in need of a home and a
name. Any piece of equipment that costs over a grand needs a name. Any
suggestions?

Installed new counter tops, stove, sink and disposal; spackled, sanded and
painted backsplash. Eventually I'll probably have beadboard or subway tile put
in, but for now at least it looks cleaner. I still need to put the window sill
back on and add some crown molding on top of the cabinets and the ceiling. Oh,
and I have to add knobs and handles. But it's infintely better than it was!

Princess Diaries 2 comes out on DVD today!!! I haven't seen it yet, nor do I
have a DVD player, but it seems like the perfect reason to acquire both. On
another note, the biggest mother of a printer is on the floor beside my desk,
and I'm supposed to spend some time on the phone with Xerox today trying to
figure out why it doesn't print lime green, only olive. Go figure.

I'm sitting here waiting for Drew to come and pick me up. We are going to Taco
Bell, because I want some Taco Bell, and then to Wal Mart. I think I'm going to
return a stereo I bought recently. My dad has a new, neater
gadget-reciever-thingy that picks up the music off your computer and plays over
speakers, and I think I'm going to get that instead. So I have some time,
because I picked up the pile of papers on the floor beside my desk, and I
thought I would blog a little nonsense. In the spirit of the season and all
that, ya know? So here's a happy little little doodle. Now I'm off to Taco Bell.

It’s so interesting to look at yourself from someone else’s perspective. A
guy from the carpet place just came to measure my rooms. Twenty minutes before
he’s supposed to get here, I look around. From the front door to the office,
he has to step over a pile of samples (for January shows), a wall paper book
(inspiration), a stack of scrapbook paper (for the dadgum scrapbooks), a bag
from Harold’s (left over from shopping trip in Dallas), shoes, clothes, and a
pile of magazines (inspiration). And that’s just the path to the bedroom. That
doesn’t count the piles of paper everywhere, the tables covered in bills and
Christmas crap, the dining room table stretched to it’s very max with every
leaf in it, the green room with it’s ongoing garage sale, and my darling dust
bunnies. Ten minutes before he walked in the door I looked at Amanda and said
“My life is one big on-going, unfinished, not-picked-up project.”

I made a list of stuff I have to (want to) accomplish before Christmas. I'm not
very good at finishing goals I set for myself (I work in a zig zag instead of a
straight line, so it takes me twice the time), but I am good at steadily
plugging away at what I've said I'm going to do, so we'll just see how much gets
done.
Personal Christmas cards. I can't really buy cards, seeing as how I sort of
manufacture them, so last night I decided that I'm just going to use some of
the ones I already have in stock.
Sew and hand applique stockings for everyone in my immediate family as a
Christmas gift (that's 9 stockings, including 2 dogs and myself). I ordered
the felt of ebay (some of it's vintage!), but I haven't touched a sewing
machine in 4 years. The last time my sister ended up practically rolling on
the floor laughing at my crazy crooked lines. I seriously started crying.
For next week: work on house. My list includes installing the new counter tops
in the kitchen that my parents got me for Christmas, along with a new stove,
new sink, new disposal; adding hardware to the cabinets; paint bathroom (the
tile is yellow--any color suggestions?), get draperies made for living room
and green room; order carpet to be installed for bedroom and office.
Fortunately, my dad is taking next week off and will be able to help me
accomplish some of this.
Continue designing stuff for line next year. Have in catalog ready format for
website? I hate putting together catalogs.

Growing up, my mom used to take us to the library once a week. My sister and I
would max out each other's library cards, then turn to my mom and put a pile
more of books on her card. We always got the princess books, and when we got
home, we would lock ourselves in the bathroom and turn on the heater and sit on
the rug and lose ourselves in the pictures. I never really thought about the
people that drew the pictures; I really thought pictures like that had to be
some form of magic, a combination of computers and fairy dust. I went to a very
small school that placed a huge emphasis on character education and athletic
prowess. I remember from second grade and each year on, going through an
excersize where we were required to pick positive character qualities for our
fellow classmates. I always got stuck with "creative", frustratingly enough. The
chubby one, she was creative. Let's leave compassionate for the beauty and
disciplined for the cheerleaders, but that girl in her bubble over there?
Creative. I hated it. It singled me out come homecoming dec time, got me
projects to design newsletter covers that I hated, put me as the one reading my
short stories in front of the class, mostly because football jocks thought
princess heroines were the easiest to make fun of. Come awards time, there were
letters for all the sports--tennis, volleyball, football, basketball, and so
on--but never any letters for an art project. Who ever heard of getting a letter
jacket for a great watercolor? By the time I graduated, my ability to draw and
write was nothing but a handicap in my eyes. The princess books had long been
laid aside in pursuit of more noble efforts; what noble efforts I was in pursuit
of even I couldn't tell you. They say when you don't know what you're looking
for you usually find it, but that actually doesn't make much sense because how
can you find something if you don't know what it is to begin with? I think what
they (who the heck is they?) mean, is, if you don't know where you're going,
you'll end up back where you started, just a little wiser for the wear. So I
fell like I'm back to square one. I want to draw fairy dust. It's frustrating. I
look at beautiful styles and illustrations and all I feel like I can do is
imitate them. It's why so often I have a sketch book full of black and white
doodles. I never get to the color; I'm always too disappointed that the doodle
looks like something I've seen before. I guess it's because I'm only good at
drawing what I see. I'm not good at drawing from my imagination. Drew said after
we watched the movie last week that I needed to find my "Neverland", and I
wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, "I have found my Neverland! I just
don't know how to draw it!" Which is probably denial for, "I haven't found my
Neverland, because if I had, I would have drawn it." I've been looking at
penguin art and jingle art and wee art and I know it's far more than computers;
it's mostly fairy dust. Really, truly, beautifully, sparkley, magic fairy dust,
straight from their Neverlands. I just got done reading an article on a huge
paper company out of Arkansas whose revenue last year topped $5 million. (FIVE.
MILLION. DOLLARS. OMG.) Most days I feel like it's all I can do to run my leetle
company. Then comes new-product time, and I feel myself thrown between the role
of artist and number cruncher, a role that doesn't normally mix well. I read
blogs every day that are wittier, funnier and more honest with the world than I
feel I could ever be. I look at people who are doing more good with their lives
than I ever thought possible. And I wonder where I fit into all this. Who am I?
Writer? Artist? Good Samaritan? Leetle Company Runner? And then I think, maybe I
am just Reader of Princess Books and Dreamer of Fairy Dust Draw-er and maybe
that's just fine.

The tree with vintage Christmas ornaments, purchased off of ebay.
Unfortunately, my crazy bidding habit purchased twice as many as I need.
Hopefully one day I'll have a bigger tree.

The past few days have been a blur. After the printer broke, my body decided to
start to fail as well, and I ended up at my doctor's yesterday, getting x-rays
taken and having an allergic reaction to iodine. The nurse was putting the
iodine into the IV and I started sneezing profusely, the back of my throat
started itching, eyes watery, sniffing a bunch. He had to run off to the doctor
to get permission to now put Benadryl into my blood stream to counteract the
iodine. Anyone who has had Benadryl injected intraveinously (sp?) knows that it
dopes you up, big time. I was all flurry-headed and definitely not walking a
straight line. I came home and fell into bed for three hours, only to wake up
for dinner, and then crash again. Fortunately, there's nothing wrong with me
that antibiotics won't fix.

So, in the middle of hand painting and glittering 325 custom Christmas cards for
a new client, trying to ship out twenty-seven-point-five-two-one last minute
rush orders, finalizing via email the tidbits on two custom photocards,
addressing my own photocards, setting up a run of notecards to send to the
printer, and needing to scan three hundred forty-four different images, my
"mother of all printers" (the one that cost me an arm and twelve legs two years
ago and has already been replaced by HP once), decided to jam, POP! and start
hissing at me before the little display read "print cartridge error". Or, in
other words, "say goodbye to me right now 'cause I just got done broke." Now I
get to spend no less than two hours on the phone with someone who doesn't speak
English while they try to walk me through all the reset options, only to finally
tell me that I need to send it in; they will send me another one--something I
could have saved both of us two hours by informing them in the first place
(which I probably will, they just probably won't listen because they'll be too
busy insisting I play twister with my fingers to hit all the hidden buttons that
equal out to a secret reset code). So tomorrow morning, crack of dawn, before I
run to another printer and meet another client for lunch, I get to go buy a new
printer. Must be color, must be workhorse. Any suggestions? And I'm praying that
the good-hearted folks at HP want to send me yet another refurbished model,
because this is my scanner/copier/fax, too. But just in case they don't, I'll
take recommendations in that department as well.

There is absolutely nothing better than a house with lots of room for dancing
and Frank Sinatra telling me to wake up to reality.

Up for bid today: the design of one stationery business website. Anyone
interested in quoting, send me an email. I have a pretty clear idea of what I
want, just don’t have the software, the time to teach myself how to set it up.
Really, I just need the bones; I can go back and add pictures or text or what
have you. Would be a great project for a portfolio, as plans are in full swing
to triple my company size this year and I would love to give recognition via
site credits.

I had some time on the road this weekend, which meant that after I wore my cell
phone battery out I’d have some thinking time. By some rare stroke of
inspiration, I remembered to throw my CDs in the car as I was leaving Friday
morning. Saturday night, on my way back to town, I opened the sunroof, turned on
the heat, and cranked up the volume. One by one, I popped in CDs that I
haven’t listened to since I was in college and let the memories come flooding
back. I thought about people I love, but haven’t seen in years. I thought
about how the years have flown by, how busy I’ve been over the past few, and
wondered if I’d ever regret sitting at home in front of a computer instead of
spending time with my niece and nephew. I wondered where my life is going, and
why it seems on pause in some areas and fast forward in others. I wondered if I
wondered enough, since I didn’t really seem to get anywhere with three
straight hours of thinking time. By the time I pulled into my driveway, though,
I was refreshed from the theraputic effects of singing, off key, at the top of
my lungs.

I'm about to get totally swamped, I smell it. I'm about to start telling
everyone I'm busy (as if I don't do enough of that already), and that I don't
have time to eat sushi or buy earrings or take care of their kids or smell
roses. I apologize in advance for the upcoming erratic postings. I promise I'll
try to keep it interesting. In honor of my future lack of blogging, I leave you
with some funlinks. (No, that's not a typo. I want to call them funlinks, one
word.)
A Little Distraction
Sprout
The Chelsea Lion
Prue Design
Red Bliss
Bella Umbrella
Peter Beaton