Oh my goodness, oh my goodness, oh my goodness. If I knew how to upload a
picture to this stupid computer, I would link the precious thing I found on the
web today. Her name is Cassie, she's a Rat Terrier, and she must be mine. I LOVE
doggies! We're talking giddy with excitement here, people. I hope it works out.
If it doesn't, I just know I'll die of heart break that that precious little
thing is left in some shelter in Ponca City. She needs me, and I need her. [oh
sigh], doggies.
August 2004 Archives
These blogs. I love the ingenuity, the self-expression, the raw honesty, the
outside-the-boxness. I love this whole little world that I retreat to, sometimes
often, sometimes rarely, and I love that there are stories and fresh thoughts
and fascinating ideas. I love the sarcasm and the wit, the exchange of wisdom,
solicited or not. And by the way, I need a dog. NEED a dog--let's capitalize on
that. A small one, very smart, that I can take pictures of, and possibly buy a
big pink bag and carry her around whilst I shop at my beloved Neimans. Kidding,
people. I've never bought a thing at Neimans. But on the off chance that I
could, I'd like a little dog and a big pink bag to put her in.
Bravenet is telling me I have about 18 returning visitors a day. As a famous
blogger once said, the mind boggles. I can put on paper a good 10 of you (no
need to mention any names, we all know who we are), but pray tell, who are the
rest of you?
* You see a row of girls in rockies, arms linked, complete with roper boots,
perms and mall bangs, line dancing down a hill--drunk and backwards. * The
dancing man in overalls (no shirt) covered in tattoos and hair reminds you
strangley of monkeys in the zoo. * There is at least one baby per blanket group
on the hill. * There are enough confederate flags to make you stop long enough
to question that the south might actually rise again--and perhaps you're at the
convention where it's taking place.
I just poured a can of yogurt, some frozen mixed berries, and some orange juice
into my blender and pressed "liquefy". I could drink this stuff till the cows
come home. Last night I made pico de gallo, my own recipe (that I made up as I
went): onion, tomato, jalepeno, course salt, lime juice. Drew made fajitas. I
mashed some avacados and added some pico for some fabulous guacamole. It was
tasty dinner. I fell asleep at 9:45. I'm supposed to mention that despite the
fact that despite I'm "celebrating my singleness", that I'm not "really single".
When Drew pointed this out to me, I asked in return, "well, if I'm not single
and I'm not married, then what am I?" His reply was that I was "taken". Sounds
sorta bossy, don't you think? The hardest part about working from home is that I
can't escape. There is no where I can take a nap without feeling guilty that
someone else is working. I'm hoping I can resolve this issue in my mind, soon--I
pay people to work for me for a reason. I think I'm going to have to put Amanda
on salary, and just tell her to go home when everything is done. My brother in
law stopped by today to pick some stuff up. He made a very good observation by
pointing out that none of the women in my family have much stamina. It's true.
Try as hard as I might, I get very sluggish in the afternoon. My sister takes
two naps a day, as does my mother. Instead of ignoring this aspect of my person,
I've decided to embrace it by closing up shop at 3. And napping. Happy siesta!
Residual Pixel, why? did? you? do it? We were all getting attached, and here you
go and pull your little piece of the world right from under our feet. You're not
going to quit coming to parties and concerts and bars, right?
I've had some awesome conversations with friends lately. My best friend from
college called the other night, and we ended up talking till late. Last night I
went to dinner with Mego, and again--great talks. Then DG and I met for drinks;
great talks. It's weird that it's all happened this week. I've always kind of
walked on eggshells with my friends. Anger is my nemisis, and it doesn't take
long to set me off. Poor Amanda sees the rants at least once a day: reps, sales,
people paying us, no money, no time, blah blah blah. It's amazing how much
energy I waste just venting. I've gotten very mad at three special people in my
life over the past two years. One kinda mad, one plain old mad, and one just
flat out really, really angry. All three situations I've walked away from. Said
my piece, shrugged my shoulders and left it for them to figure out. One of the
relationships resolved itself, with great rewards. Another of them is sorting
itself out little by little. And the one I'm angry about--well, I'm still
really, really, angry. Hence the forgiveness theme of this here blog recently.
All three situations have needed forgiveness--some of them have been easier to
forgive than others. And since I completely realize that I'm only responsible
for me, and I can't do anything to make them change, and therefore can only
change myself and the way I see the situation. All three situations have
required me to look at myself and question what I'm doing wrong (and I've come
up with some great answers): 1. I'm not very sensitive to what other people are
going through. Usually someone has to hit me over the head with a 2x4 and say,
LOOK! She's having a tough time. 2. I'm not very self-disciplined. I
procrastinate, eat anything I want, and don't work out. Can't be
healthy--physically or emotionally. 3. I vent way too much. So I've decided to
do something about it. No more venting (well, except for blog venting, but
that's a given). I just waste too much time getting frazzled, and not enough
time, say, designing new stuff. Or working on the catalog. Or getting the
September mailer out. No more lack-o-self-discipline. I am beginning to make
tiny changes involving my diet (because I'll get fat if I don't--the years are
creeping upon me). I am making to-do lists, prioritizing them, and stopping at a
decent hour instead of rushing to get stuff done all night. I'm going to start
going for walks (let's not go crazy here and actually suggest I develop a
work-out regimen). And I've really made some concerted efforts lately to be more
sensitive to what people are going through; really listening, between the lines.
Asking questions, hearing stories, and asking more questions. It's amazing. My
sister is going to have a baby soon--and I've tried to see her and spend some
time at her house because I know she'll be swamped and tired later. I've had the
privlege of some amazing face time with several friends lately--intelligent,
loving people who have a great perspective on life, why we're here, and
remaining content. Ultimately, I think that's what it's all about. Being content
with little or much or nothing. Just being content. Celebrating the fact that
I'm single, or so&so is married, or my sister is pregnant, and watching my
friends do the same. Celebrating the fact that I don't have to be mad, I don't
have to right. Not saying I'm invincible--it still hurts. But the forgiving
thing helps the hurt diminish very quickly.
The one thing I hate more than anything else in this world--that disgusts me,
turns me off and makes me want to say bad words--is infidelity. It makes me want
to call men very, very, very bad names, since they're normally the ones
wandering off down roads they really should never have even read the street
signs of. I think relationships, and sex, are sacred, and need to be prized as
such, NO MATTER WHAT. I know it's always a two way street, but I don't care who
you are, you can learn to put your pride behind you and just suck it up and say,
OK, I'm wrong, let's work on this. OK, I understand how you feel, what can I do
about it? You know what, you're right, let's talk through this. How do you think
I could change? It's stuff that's hard to say, and even harder to hear the
answers to, but those are the only questions that get you anywhere in life, I
promise. From one hard headed person here, I can tell you from experience that
it's not easy, but it keeps you from being green.
Good times, friends. Saturday night was a blast. I was in an atypical mode,
hugging everyone and just being in all around good spirits. It's fun to let that
girl out every once in awhile. Try as I did, however, I still couldn't make it
past the 12 o'clock hour. Maybe one of these days I'll make myself sleep until 7
in the evening so that I can actually be one of those people who can at least
party til 2. Anyway, it was fun, and I can't wait until the next get together.
Church was interesting the next day. They've been doing a series on fear, which
I'm fascinated by, partly because I realize how much it immobilizes me.
Yesterday was on the fear of intimacy, which I think we all struggle with, and
lately I've been struggling with even more. I know you have to risk to get
anything out of this life; I guess sometimes it just comes down to sticking your
neck out there in blind faith, and believing that those you love will be there
to catch you if you fall. GULP. We're officially in the "new office" now.
Everything is pretty much organized. Somebody pick a date for a party, maybe a
night when Tucker Road is playing at WD? And somebody make alcohol
recommendations, since I'm terrible at guessing what people would like, and all
I've got on hand at the moment is one large bottle of Skyy.
You would not believe the state of affairs here. I've mopped the floors every
day this week, and every day my Dad and Marshall have been tracking plaster dust
back across them. Little by little, however, things are getting set up. As I
type, the internet is working here, thank God, but the computer is a maze of
wires and components scattered across the room. My desk has increased in size, a
good thing, to allow me to clutter it with more crap, a bad thing. And I'm tired
of spending money. I'm tired of it. I want it to stop. I've decided to hold off
on rugs and a few other non-necessities, until I can rejuvinate some cash flow.
There's an issue God's been working with me on about forgiveness. You know,
being mad is a funny thing. It takes a heck of alot of energy, and lately, I
just haven't wanted to dedicate the heart and soul it takes to hold a grudge on
someone. Just not worth it, ya know? I still get all riled up about some
stuff--I always will--that's just me. But it's so much easier to just choose to
forgive and move along than it is to sit and become bitter and begrudge someone
your friendship for the rest of your life. That's all folks! I'll see all at
Ragan's tonight!
It's emptying out in here. Yesterday we moved all the shelves and product to my
house, a project that I was convinced would take three days, took a mere one.
After we had reorganized it all, Marshall and I loaded up his jeep and drove
trash to dumpsters, working so fast that we looked (and giggled--he smirked)
like con men on the job. The garage looks great and the rest of the house is
taking shape, little by little. Today when the Cox guy (fingers crossed, prayers
to heaven), comes to turn on the internet, we're going to haul the computers
over there. I just can't be internetless--it'd feel naked.
I mean, really, haven't had one like this in years. Started out getting up at 8,
so that I'd be ready when the cox guy showed up by noon, right? Made a couple of
phone calls, did some reading, cleaning, coffee-drinking, told a showroom why I
thought their fee was ridiculous if they were going to write orders on the road.
Noon came and went--I took a shower, dried my hair, drove to the office, got the
cox phone number and called them leaving ranting messages no less than three
times about how I had wasted my morning waiting for them. The guy called me
back, promising me that someone would meet me at my house in 20 minutes. Right?
So I head back home, on hold with Citibank to figure out why on earth some
account number no one can identify is showing up on my credit report with a
balance. Twenty minutes come and go, still on hold with Citibank, still no Cox
guy. Finally get someone at Citi, who can tell I'm in a mood, quickly gives me
another number to call and hangs up. Call that number, on hold for another 20
minutes with Citibank, still no Cox guy. Cox guy shows up at 2:20, and I meet
him on the lawn, practically accousting him, "Are you the Cox guy?" "Yep,
sorry." One sheepish dude. "Well let me tell you how much it sucks sitting
around all morning waiting for you to get here." Dude says nothing. Smart dude.
I show him the backyard, tell him to leave enough wire for my dad to take the
line to the center of my house and he tells me (no kidding, he's been there for
less than 2 minutes), that he doesn't need me anymore--I can go now. As I'm
pulling out my drive, I roll down the window. "Sorry for being cranky." I at
least owed Cox dude an apology for griping him out. He laughs. I could have
kicked he little Cox butt then and there. Citibank still could not identify the
6-digit account number; I told them I was going to report it as fraud. The
balance is on my credit report, if they can't tell me why it's there within 4
phone calls, I'm not going to try to figure it out. Finally got back to the
office and had to write a letter to yet another rep group (think used car
salesman, this group--really not classy at all), telling them I didn't wish to
work with them anymore. Seriously, it's really bad when you're willing to go
without reps rather than deal with them. And it's not even really the reps that
are bad; it's just too much fishy stuff. People not getting paperwork, info
that's really and truly basic, gotta-have-it type stuff. Like which
manufacturers have contributed to which commission check. Basically, we're
talking a bunch of people with no records that think they shouldn't write my
orders because they're not sure I've paid them, even though I send them a
simple-to-read report each month. Too much distrust. Orders aren't going to get
written that way anyway. Good news is, I've got Amanda and Marshall, and bicker
as they might, they get things done.
Sting is in Dallas the 19th of September. Austin City Limits music festival
thing is the same weekend--September 18th - 19th. Which one? And no, can't do
both--so don't suggest we drive to Dallas after Austin to see Sting. Won't work;
too much $$$. I can only pick one, and Drew wants to go to Austin; I want to go
to Sting. Which one?
The day started on a coffee/Katie Couric high. We got the garage painted on
Saturday, and now I'm on a roll to get moved in. Cabinet doors, counter tops,
kitchen sink, furniture. I ordered this really cool computer armoire from the
Mattress Brothers this morning. Set to be picked up by the end of the week. It's
black, I love black furniture, it totally anchors a room. I think I need some
funky black and white leapord pillows to go with it. I know, I know--stop me
now. I just mentioned leopard print. I went to Wally World last night and bought
a cheapo stereo, 5-disk changer, and promptly filled all five disk trays with
Frank Sinatra, turned it up, and cleaned out the kitchen cabinets. I've actually
made a concentrated effort to get the place cleaned. Life is getting organized.
I also bought a snazzy, stainless steal, GE toaster that looks exactly like one
Frank probably had in his kitchen. I LOVE retro! I'm getting alot done, not
gonna stop and chat now, just thought everyone would like a little update from
the pink world.
This weekend I'm painting the garage. That's right, painting my garage. It's
blue right now--blues clues blue, ceiling and walls alike. Quite a mess. When
we're finished, it'll be Gourmet Mushroom + three gallons of white mixed in. Oh,
and I'm babysitting tonight--for 4 kids (my usual is 2). We're ordering
pizza--it ought to be pretty easy; they should entertain themselves. Now I'm off
to drop a package off at UPS and then run over to a carpet place to see if I can
pick up some remnants for my floors. Rugs are expensive, ya know that? A decent
one is at least $250 and a good one starts at $500! I'm tempted to go hook my
own for that price. But you've got to have a rug to curl up on and watch TV.
In an effort to not gripe about work, here's a list of my happy thoughts for the
day: * Even though I would never sit through the movie again, imagining myself
Under the Tuscan Sun is a good place to be. * A cool August with lots of rain. *
My little hand-held sander thing that helps me refinish stuff. * Figuring out
the Build Booklet plug in on Pagemaker all by myself. * Hurricane Swirls at
Pearl's Lakeside. * The new vintage/french/couture design I came up with for a
new invitation earlier this week. * all the ideas that one design spawned. *
Pictures of the Wormy Dog, newly labeled by number (2.4 = second series of WD
pics, pic # 4). * practicing the art of getting things done. * working for
myself, so if I want a nap at noon, I can have a nap at noon.
No, no, no. Get yo mind outta that gutta. I spent the day helping my dad rework
the heating/AC system at my house. I have a completely newfound respect for
air-conditioning men now. I don't know how you remember what to do! From tearing
out walls, insulation, re-directing water, electricity, installing a furnace,
re-directing duct work--all of which require a plethura of other skills, like
knowing the difference between a skillsaw and a milwaukee drill! Yeesh! So I've
been without AC for 8 days now, and working every day to get it back on,
shacking up at my parents in the process. I can't for the life of me figure out
how I did that for a year and a half. Seven days and I'm about to go looney. The
beautiful news of all this is, that we're taking the old system out of the
laundry room, and moving it to the other side of the wall, which is my garage,
and clearing enough space in the process to install a swanky little butler's
pantry. And I mean SWANKY, people. No more red-toile-country-french stuff for
me; I have new visions of Eames-era lamps, lime green and black, mixed with
classic rococo sconces. Not Empire on acid, as Jennifer calls it, but more like
Louis XV got high. So I lost a few of you there. Sorry. You'll just have to
swing by and see the place for yourself. There is an impending party--I can feel
it.
This morning's yard sales yielded some surprising finds: a roll of about 15
yards sage striped ticking, bright yellow curtain panels in an indienne print, a
couple yards of a muted toile, a wrought iron house number sign that has to be
re-painted, but solves the dilemma of how to put numbers on my house. And last
but not least, the find of the day saved me around $200--a brand new, stainless
steel, electric cooktop that I paid $30--retail value $250. My mom said "Praise
the Lord!" for that cooktop no less than ten times on the drive home.
I used to have a goal to be "the most positive and outgoing person I know".
Needless to say, my venting isn't positive, and it isn't outgoing, and despite
the fact that it feels good, I don't think it really gets me anywhere and I feel
like I have to hide it from customers. Heaven only knows Amanda probably gets
sick of it. So, I'm back to the old goal of "positive and outgoing". This
doesn't mean I'll stay out past midnight, but it does mean that the blog might
get slightly more interesting to read and that creativity will hopefully start
to abound. And on that bit about staying out past midnight: I can't sleep at the
moment (it's 5:30 in the morning) and I have to help my dad put the new air unit
in my house today, and then I hope to move some furniture in the place, so I
don't think the DB music festival is on the to-do list. I know, I know...me,
stick-in-the-mud-me, but I promise I'll start to make a more concerted effort.
Here's a start: a list of fabulous things to look forward to this coming day: *
walking across brand new wood floors * estate sale-ing with my mom since I'm up
early enough * a new chandelier hanging in my TV room * furniture, finally! and
lots of it! * learning a tad more about heating/AC units, just for future
reference * a new ambition to learn the art of HTML * morning coffee and shower
(yes, at the same time) Have a happy day, people!
They say Krispy Kreme's stock fell last quarter because of the whole low-carb
craze. Tell, me, then, how it went up in the low-fat craze, or the low-calorie
craze? If you're looking for an excuse, you can always find one. It's either an
excuse, or the "craze" has moved into a more permanent lifestyle-movement,
possibly proving that for the first time ever a fad diet works and therefore
more people are doing it than did low-cal, low-fat diets?
Do they benefit me if I accidentally die? Doubt it.
It's 1:15 in the morning. Today the air conditioner went out on my house.
(Goodbye $500). Yes, it is 112 degrees here. Tomorrow I have to let the floor
guys in the house by 8. (Goodbye, alot more than $500). Amanda and I had our
first "company meeting" yesterday and I have a to-do list longer than the Torah.
And all I can do is sit here and stare at this dumb screen, wondering, "If I
can't sleep, how on earth does the President?" So in case he's ever reading,
from one W to another, I'd just like to say, Call me sometime when you're up.
I'll help you solve this world peace thing if you'll tell me how I can catch
some shut eye under all this stress.
My ebay problem has turned out to be a pleasant learning curve. The girl turned
out to be not picky at all, but has been so sweet to let me refund her money and
not leave negative feedback. I guess open communication works over email, too.
Gives me hope for the rest of the world.
But today the stars are out of alignment. I stayed at my parent's house last
night, because the floors were covered with some sticky substance and they were
going to have to resand today. I slept on their couch in the gameroom--fell
asleep with CNN on, only to be awakened at the crack of dawn being jumped on and
licked by Lucy. I swear, that dog carries a human persona. Anyway, when I got to
work there was an ebay complaint, which I'm totally stressing over because I
don't want negative feedback, but seriously, the complaint is something I would
consider to be so minor. I can't stand picky people. I offered to refund her
money--I'll let you know what happens. There are a few orders to go out today, I
have to check messages, dig up some stock, set up some files--oops, I'm talking
about work again. Anyway, peace out, people.
Hello, dear avid readers. I feel I need to aleviate some concern I've caused.
Our faceless commentor has been found out; my anxiety, although not unnecessary,
has diminished. It's hotter than the surface of the sun here, thanks to our
friend Humidity. I told my mom that if I were leading her relaxed lifestyle, I'd
stay firmly planted on an air-conditioned couch until no sooner than 6:00 this
evening. We're getting ready to move the office into my house. The floor guys
came this morning--they laid the wood in the kitchen and dining room within 2
hours, and had started sanding the rest of the floors by noon. The whole space
is continuous, and knocking out that raunchy 1950's linoleum stuff and making it
all wood really provides a continuous feel--the room feels SO much bigger! It
should be finished by Friday--and then I'll be moving furniture! You have no
idea how exciting this all is. Yeah, I've had the house since November, but
really, without furniture/countertops/doors on bathrooms, it really isn't a
house. And this weekend, I invested a fabulously low sum into a 9-piece dining
room suite. It's country French (don't gag--that's me), and it needs
"shabby-ing", and I think I'm actually going to split up the pieces. The hutch
into my bedroom, for TV, the table for a new desk, the chairs--well, I'll see
about ebaying them. There's this little butler's cart/server thing that I just
don't want but would make a cute nightstand; I'll probably ebay that too. So
we're moving forward. The cabinet doors are on order, and God is good. Somehow
this morning we wrote a check to the printer--and those are BIG checks. It feels
so good to be on top of bills, not owe anyone anything (well, except Citibank,
darn it). Amanda is amazing--by far the best hire I've ever had. Precious girl
does the books, bills, orders, shipping, phone--well worth her weight in gold.
Today is good.
